Our vows

We tried to write our vows independently, but without structure, we struggled to get anything down on paper. I ended up with a list of non-sequiturs, while Sandi had a set of very interpersonal exchanges. Since these conceptualizations of vows are not directly compatible, we sought elsewhere to give some form and structure to the promises we were about to make.

After some extensive discussions and internet-searching, we decided to model our vows loosely on an aspect of the Hindu marriage ceremony called <i>saptapadi</i>, or “seven steps (lit. feet).” (cognate to the Latinate construction septa-pod). Loosely, the seven steps are the following vows:

1. Maintenance of self
2. Maintenance of the relationship
3. Development of self
4. Development of the relationship
5. Trueness to one's self
6. Trueness to the relationship
7. Demonstrating this love to others

Here are the vows that we gave each other:

Sandi. So that I may fulfill these remaining vows, I first pledge to care for my own body, mind, and spirit, which have through God's grace recognized you, my second self and best earthly companion. In your heart's purpose I see reflections of my soul's most hidden places, in your words I hear echoes of my heart's sincerest joys.

Doug. I promise you the endless joys and sufferings of life-long labor, a constant endeavor to maintain whole my self, to become for you a true and worthy companion, my life a steady pillar for the security and growth of our family.

Sandi. I take your mind, body, and spirit to be my husband, and the head of our home. I will continue to seek and accept your loving leadership, your friendship, your companionship, and your faithfulness. I pray that I may forever forgive and forbear your human flaws, and that you may do the same for my own.

Doug. I promise you a life of two souls in rendezvous, the tiny infinite meetings of two hearts in touches and glances, two bodies in quiet solitary holds and honest comforting arms, two minds in exploration and mutual discovery. I promise to turn away the fleeting and harbor the eternal, husbanding the sacred forests of our love.

Sandi. I promise to contribute spiritually to creating our home and life together. Our home will nourish our mutual love, trust, creativity, and prosperity, and serve as a haven for our family's mutual safety and retreat from the world.

Doug. I promise you the eternal motion of my soul, treading always the divine path, remaining fully alive. I promise to bring myself to mindfulness, and, growing in appreciation for the beauty of the world, seeing God in all things.

Sandi. My heart will forever be open to you fully. I will desire, respect, and aid your own spiritual, mental, and physical health and development through my patience and participation with you in all things: our differences create an expressive harmony; your love is my freedom and relief.

Doug. I promise to carry in my being the true voice pouring from your soul, listening and coming each day to understand better your heart, striving to discover its depths and nuances, parsing its themes and grasping in its rhythm the full beauty of life and creation.

Sandi. To fortify the bond between us, I promise to maintain my personal integrity and independence of thought and will, that they may strengthen and sustain our growth as one body and mind, with the sacrificial expression of Christ's love for His church as the model. By your love, my soul will find its fullest expression.

Doug. I promise you the beginning and end of my true self: my journeys, my trials, my heart. I promise you my elegies and entrust in you my pride, my anger, my weaknesses, as we work towards the transformation of my self into the pure essence of our love.

Sandi. I will be faithful to you in body, thought, and soul. I am yours, forever, and I take you to be mine. Circumstance can wield no greater power than the bond of our love.

Doug. I promise to hold you steady, hand in hand, passing as one through the varied and twisted valleys of our life. I promise you the brightness of heartstrings binding fast our souls, my true and constant guide, the sole and final destination for all my earthly comfort and joy.

Sandi. Through the fulfillment of the vows we make to each other - our marriage - I pray that the true representation of the mind, spirit and actions of Christ - love - be held up to the world, and that by God's grace and the Holy Spirit we are motivated together to have compassion for all humankind, as long as we both live.

Doug. I promise you a love clear and pure, brighter than stars, a guiding constellation and reflection of God's love. I promise to set it high and bring all those we meet to more clearly see its light.